Just a raw reflection

Wow! Look at this, a blog from me?
Hmmm, here before me I have a blank page just waiting for all the words to come pouring forth.
I will not attempt to write what's been happening in the last 4 months...frankly, I don't know if anyone still reads this blog.
This place was started as a way to keep family informed of what was going on in our lives since we were so far away and really, became an online journal as I became more and more transparent with my writings.
I admit that I've stayed away in the last 4 months because I was hurting. People I cared about and considered to be the closest to me were suddenly treating me as though I'd died. I felt abandoned and alone.
I felt that when Christians should stand up and behave like Christians they were failing around me.
Yes, it's a raw and very vulnerable.
However, I learned more than ever that God's fogiveness really is endless and his mercies really are new each day. At a time when I thought that God would chasten me or use His own people to rebuke me (He did some of both) I felt His arms around me and His loving tenderness each day. Did I deserve this? Oh no!!
Sometimes, as Christians we wear the cloak of holiness while hiding our wicked, prideful self and think that as long as we're all painted up on the outside it doesn't matter what's hidden. Well, maybe that works for you but for how long? When will you decide that it's not about what's showing to everyone else anymore and make your walk with God REAL? We spend so much time people watching and critiquing that we forget how bad our own lives smell. It's so easy to compare ourselves to so and so or to such and such religion and declare ourselves more holy, upright, modest, etc...not knowing all along that so and so might be hurting or in need or, on the other hand, so and so might have just been on a mountain top with the Lord that morning and they don't really need your approval.
I hear over and over, reminders all around me, that we're in the last days, so maybe it's time to shake off our pettiness and decide that we're going to live for God and build a real relationship with him that has absolutely nothing to do with others' perceptions? Seems to me that's what He desires from us anyways.